I was talking to a friend yesterday, someone who hadn't yet heard about my diagnosis with Celiac, and he was genuinely interested in how the disease has affected me in the last few years, through diagnosis 5 months ago, until now.  During our conversation mention of this blog came up,  and as I talked about why I even started writing it, I realized that I haven't been writing about my journey with complete honesty.  This is a blog about a journey, and journeys always involve some level of difficulty.  I think ultimately I haven't wanted to write with "a little tiny man playing a violin on my shoulder" as my mom used to say, meaning I haven't wanted to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself.  However, if there is even one person out there who reads this blog and benefits from hearing about the challenges of learning to live with Celiac, if one person out there realizes that all the turmoil in their head isn't exclusive to themselves, then I guess I need to write.

On that note, I think I'll just list randomly the kinds of things I deal with and sometimes how I don't deal with them very well.  That's probably the best way to begin.

*I love food: I love to bake; I enjoy photographing food being prepared, cooked, any kind of finished products; I love to smell food being prepared; I love tactile textures and colour contrasts; I love to try new recipes and to feed them to my friends and family. I could classify "chopping, dicing, slicing" as a hobby.  I don't know if I qualify as a Foodie, but I'm definitely a fan.  Some people just don't "get" that I've had a significant part of who I am taken away, with a gaping hole waiting to be filled with a new version of who that was.  I'm slowly working on filling that hole, but it's time consuming, frustrating, expensive and takes a lot of patience.
*there ARE gluten-free foods available in boxed form here in the Jakarta area.  For that I'm thankful.  However, not all of them are tasty, let alone delicious, and some are downright awful.  As I sift through various brands I try not to be picky, and some, like the lasagna noodles a friend bought me, taste 'normal.' Often I find a brand that works, and then it's no longer available on the shelves.  Very frustrating.
*The most difficult thing for me, I think, are social gatherings.  In no way do I expect anyone else to cater to my needs in any way, and I'm a big girl and can bring my own food, but sometimes, it's just really, really hard to listen to others discuss recipes, exclaim over how delicious a recipe is, and to just see loads of food spread before me knowing I can typically eat from one or two dishes.
*if I go to a social event where few people know I'm Celiac, it's very difficult to keep having to say no to well-meaning hostesses, and when they insist, having to figure out how to explain politely, in the least amount of words that I want to eat their food, but I just can't.
*It's a challenge not knowing if I'm truly healthy or not, and not having a way to find out.  I can look online and google all I want, yet when articles and advice begin to contradict each other, I'm on my own.  
*Apparently I'm supposed to have gained weight, but that's not happening.  I don't see that as a good thing.  I used to not mind being photographed, but now, I just like being on the viewfinder side of a camera.
*eating out sucks, and the further away I get from my diagnosis, the less we go out.  This affects our social life to a certain extent.
*figuring out what to eat is a bit of a pain, especially when I'm really hungry and there's no prepared items (gluten-free leftovers/cake/snacks) to eat.  I get tired of nuts and dried fruits, boiled eggs, and green salad topped with tuna.  Sometimes what I wouldn't do to be able to order a big, juicy burger and some fries!
*sometimes the things that go on in my head are too much.  I find that I struggle with bitterness, and I have to watch the path I allow my thoughts to take.

Life with Celiac isn't easy...but there are no guarantees, and life BEFORE Celiac wasn't super easy, either.  What I've shared here may not even seem that difficult, especially compared to some people's situations.  However, it is my life and what I'm experiencing.
Thanks for reading.