Christmas...baking?

Oh, I had so hoped this morning that I would be able to sit down this afternoon and whip up a blog posting, complete with photos, of a pile of beautiful, colourful, scrumptious gluten free Christmas baking.  On my agenda was "Nonnie's Almond Tarts" (Nonnie being my husband's late grandma) and some orange-peel gingerbread men that I've been making since before my children were born.  I've successfully dipped some GF pretzels in chocolate, made rum balls (also Nonnie's recipe), and a new recipe for chocolate peanut butter balls that taste just as good if not better than a Reese's peanut butter cup (thank you Jenny H!).  A friend kindly passed on a GF sugar cookie recipe that mostly worked for me, enough that after Christmas I'll try one more time.  Unfortunately, today's baking was a FLOP, and there are no lovely photos.  Two weeks ago I made Nonnie's tarts and somehow they held together (most of them, anyways).  Today, they crumbled right before my eyes.  After dolloping each tart with icing, I gently spread the icing around and then gingerly placed each tart in a Christmas container.  No holly, no berries this time.  I'm afraid to take them out of the container, thinking they'll crumble in my fingers!    As for the gingerbread men, I thought they might work.  I recently found "gluten substitute" in a local "ex-pat" store, and thought I'd give it a try.  They cut BEAUTIFULLY and are not sticky at all. However, the cookies taste like they're factory-made and they powder in your mouth with each bite.  Not nearly as soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside, and full of flavour as they were when they were gluten full!  So, two more recipes to put on the back burner and keep trying until they're perfected.  The only thing is, each batch of Gingerbread Men costs about $15 for 15 medium sized figures.  Incentive to perfect isn't all that strong here.
Good thing is, I've got rum balls and chocolate peanut balls calling out to me, and they turned out great.  Two out of four isn't all that bad for my first Christmas of GF baking!

Healthy Choice: the store

Last weekend I participated in a charity event put on by a local group of ladies that I belong to.  It was a Trivia Night, and during the event we held raffles and a Silent Auction.  Prior to the night we sought out sponsors who donated a variety of items for the house, kitchen, and entertainment.  I was the "winner" of two baskets of organic, mostly gluten-free goodies, donated to the Silent Auction by the owner of Healthy Choice.  It was a real treat to come home and open the baskets, dig through and read the labels. I've been to the store before, located in the nearby district of Kebon Jeruk (means "orange garden"), but had no idea that it sold as many gluten-free items as I found in my bargain purchases.  This part of my last week has been a ray of hope to me in terms of my eating.  Another ray is that my family has agreed (and then told me) that they're all going gluten-free in terms of eating anything that crumbles or spreads (bread, flour, cookies).  This helps in that not only do I no longer have to worry about the counters and table top, I also can share their peanut butter, butter and other spreads.  Thankfully they all agree that the baking I've been experimenting with is not just edible, but actually tasty and something I can share with others.  We can eat as a family, snack as a family, and hopefully I can gain some weight and have healthier days.

Not sure how long the gluten-free family will hang in there (the gluten-free, not the family) but it's worth a try.

Just Say 'NO!' to Oats

I've read about all the confusion and differing opinions on oats and Celiac Disease, and deep down inside I had hoped that I was one of those "oat ables."  I even bought a bag of GF oats and GF oat flour when I was back in Canada.  After reading through an old recipe book and after days of dreaming of crispy-edged coconut oatmeal cookies, I made a large, slightly altered GF batch of golden cookies.  They look good, only falling apart a little (*sigh*), and they taste great.  I even had one for breakfast, since oatmeal is often the breakfast of choice for many.  That was a mistake.  It was a good thing to do in that I learned that oats are NOT my friend, but a bad thing to do on an empty stomach.  Twenty-four hours from their birth, I have already verbally given away the oats to another Celiac in the area (yeah!  Two of us around here now) and the cookies will go into the rest of my family's lunches.  Another *sigh*.

GF Rootbeer

Eureka!  Not only did I find a gluten-free rootbeer, I found one that tastes JUST like the rootbeer my Grandpa Jim used to make.  He'd make a batch every few years, bottle it into green plastic pop bottles, and  store it in the basement of his summer cabin at the lake.  This was no ordinary cabin...not only was it built by hand in the '50s, but it was built against a hill.  The end result for a child growing up in the '80s was a dank, musty-smelling, drippy basement that you entered under the back porch and literally walked partially into a hill.  The cement breathed cool and it was actually a perfect place to stand and cool down on a hot summer's day.  That's where Grandpa Jim stored his rootbeer, and it was a treasure trove.

Last weekend I was shopping at a western-type grocery store, and I found Virgil's Micro-Brewed Rootbeer.   I was intrigued just because it towered above the other sodas in a tall, brown, glass bottle.  I was thrilled when I read the ingredients (all natural) and they ended with "gluten free."  Every day I've thought about opening the bottle and enjoying it, but I had to savour the idea for a while.  Tonight was spaghetti night, with GF rounds of french bread and a tasty green salad.  Tonight was the night.  Although it says 'serve chilled (without ice),' I added a few ice cubes and it was lovely.

Living in Indonesia can be bittersweet, because it's possible that I will go back to the same store in a few weeks and this rootbeer may no longer be on the shelves.  However, if it is, I may just have to buy a few bottles to tuck away for other Friday Night Spaghetti Nights:)

GF Yellow Cake for Strawberry Shortcake

I love the internet for finding incredible recipes.  Usually I find a recipe, check out the comments, and then alter the recipe to my available ingredients.  A few family favourites are chocolate mousse made from tofu, and black bean brownies (google this and you get a variety of recipes).  The  newest in our house is a yellow cake that I found at allrecipes.com.  It's a lot like the white cake that my mom used to make for strawberry shortcake, with the perfect amount of bubbles for soaking up the strawberry juices and the right density to make it taste homemade.  This recipe calls for 2/3 cups of mayonnaise, and she had a great white cake recipe like that, too.  Maybe this is just a gluten-free version of the same.  

Thankfully, this is a cake I can make if I run out of my imported flours, because it calls for white rice flour and tapioca flour, 2 kinds that can easily be found on grocery store shelves for quite cheap here.  I did, however, add a bit of 'tropical' flour that made this yellow cake rather greeny-purple.  A strange combination, but it gives it a spice cake look.  The flour was purple sweet potato flour, and it is a very light flour that I find gives cakes a really nice lift.  Probably the 3 teaspoons of baking powder and 1 1/2 teaspoons of guar gum helped as well.

Today I used this cake as the base for a strawberry shortcake birthday cake, and it was a hit.  I love it when people say "is this gluten free???"  I mixed strawberries with a hand blender, mixed them to my already-mixed white icing (butter, icing powder, vanilla, milk), and then used this for layering the cake.  The outside topping was whipped cream and sliced fresh strawberries.  Yum!  This cake is moist enough that it stays intact when cut, which I find is unusual for most GF cake recipes.

A few years ago a friend and I decided that whenever we make things for events outside of our family, it's in our best interest to leave a few of the goodies behind for our loved ones (it only makes sense!), so I only used 3 of the 4 layers cut from the original 2 round cakes.  I cut the 4th layer in half and made half a cake that we'll eat tonight for dessert.    With the 4th layer this would be a really high layered cake, but it would be kind of neat to try!  

I think it's a down day today

It's been 9 months since my diagnosis and I thought it would get easier.  It has, in some ways.  I have a basic diet that I stick to, I fill in the gaps with new ideas, some that work and some that I won't touch again.  I love the black bean brownie recipe I found on the internet and have adjusted to my taste.  Tris' cousin sent me a super recipe for GF french bread, and my family loves it better than regular bread.  I try to eat eggs, although I think they're gross here for some reason, and eat a lot of pasta and home made soups.  Salads are quite often my mainstay during the day, and I like to make enough to last me for at least 3 or 4 days.  Beans, especially garbanzo and black, have become my new best friends in the kitchen.  I even have an iced lemon tea recipe that I make at least once a week that my family loves as well.  It's all good, but it's all happening in my own kitchen.  I'm beginning to really miss restaurants and other people's homes.  I love to entertain and it's a great challenge, one I am not afraid of, to feed others from my gluten-free (mostly) kitchen.  It just gets hard feeling like you're doing it on your  own.

I remember when I first started looking up Celiac disease on the internet.  There was one site that suggested a myriad of types of doctors and support that a Celiac needed to consider having in their lives.  The ones I remember are family doctor, specialist, nutritionist and psychologist.  I thought that the last one was kind of funny, but as time goes on, I can see why it could be a good idea.  There's a lot to sort out with being celiac, and the physical is just one of the pieces of the pie (gluten-free of course).  There's a lot of mind adjustments that have to occur, and it's difficult trying to do this on your own.

My week has been difficult, and I'm never sure if all the sleeping and illness is from something I ate or if it's from a bug that my body is fighting.  There's really no way to find out and so I eat extra-cautiously, extra bland, and I wait until this particular fight is over.

There are some really, really good, exciting things happening in my life right now, things that keep me focused on life and learning, and things that give me joy.  I am thankful for doors opening up in my life and am excited to see where life will take me in my future.  However, there's always that bit of me that holds back, always cautious, always wondering if I can make it through the day when my body is just wanting me to rest and my day is full and rest isn't an option.  There are the days when I truly feel 'frail,' a word that I used to jokingly bounce around with my husband when I wanted him to do something for me.  Now the word doesn't seem so funny.  There are other days when I feel strong, energetic, and like I can tackle the world.  Right now I'm wishing I had more of those days.

Thanks for reading.

Maltodextrin and caramel colouring...yes or no?

Imagine my excitement when I did a little research online and discovered that I can eat maltodextrin.  For 8 months now I've avoided that ingredient diligently and it was great to discover that it's a possibility for Celiacs.  I have also bounced around and read a bit about caramel colour, and it seems that it's a possibility in some products as well.  Seems that anything with maltodextrin in it that is made in the US or Canada, unless otherwise labelled, is supposedly safe.  Apparently North American companies must specify if it is wheat-based maltodextrin or not.  If it's not, I'm told it's ok to assume it's made from a different source.
According to some sites (I haven't contacted any companies myself at this point), Coke and A&W rootbeer made in North America are also made from gluten-free caramel colour.  This is great, if this is true, and it makes me want to run out and buy myself a rootbeer NOW.  Admittedly, I tried.  I had figured that A&W would be an import here in Indonesia, but unfortunately there was Indonesian on the can and no import stickers.  I'd chance it with a NA rootbeer but not with an Asian one.  Another thing to look forward to when I visit Canada next summer, and in the meantime I will do a little more research on all of this.  If it is indeed true that I can eat North American made products that have maltodextrin in them, then that opens up a lot of potential for things like ranch dressing, french onion dip, etc.  However, I'm learning not to jump into things just because of a few things I've read, and so I continue to search the net.  It's interesting to see the different perspectives given from different countries (ie/ Britain vs. Australia vs. Canada & the US), but it's very confusing, too.
And so my googling continues...

Dairy Hope!

For anyone reading this who is Celiac AND dairy-free, know that there is hope out there.  I know that just after my diagnosis I was told by many people and read on many blogs that often lactose intolerance and celiac disease go hand in hand.  That made sense, because when I stopped eating any form of dairy I confirmed that I too was lactose intolerant.  One friend told me that her Celiac brother went off dairy completely, and within 3 months was able to reintroduce various dairy items into his diet.  Unfortunately, unlike with gluten, I've not been able to completely give up dairy, especially butter on popcorn and a daily "hit" of chocolate.  It was not until I went to Canada that I was able to give up dairy completely, probably because there are so many alternatives to butter, milk and cheeses there.  As for chocolate, I haven't been able to give that up completely, but I eat it in small doses.

Now that I have returned to Indonesia, I've realized how much healthier I feel.  It hasn't been all that difficult to eat gluten-free, and I think it's because I've brought fun ingredients back with me, things like GF liquid smoke and GF worchestershire sauce.  My recipe repertoire has increased incredibly, thank goodness!  I'm not sure what I'll do when things run out, but I'll worry about that later.  Until then, I'm just enjoying grilling, baking and experimenting with new recipes.  I've been able to exercise regularly and afterwards not feel as though my day cannot go on without a rest.  I've also been able to reintroduce dairy slowly back into my diet.

As I mentioned, I've never completely given up chocolate, and I've eaten the odd batch of buttered popcorn.  Lately I've been baking with butter and have had no side effects.  Knowing that, I've also tried Greek yogourt which was a success.  That lead to regular, non-gelatin yogourt, which also hasn't given me any ill-effects.  Mozzarella has agreed with me, and so has various types of cheddar.  Today I ate some vanilla ice cream and I do have a little bit of nausea, so I'll probably stay away from too much of that.  I did have a successful ice cream cup at Burger King, but I'm not really sure I can call it ice cream! There are things I will stay away from, like too much sour cream, cream cheese, definitely milk and whipped cream, and large amounts of ice cream. However, knowing that I can bake with butter and cook with cheese again really opens up my culinary world, and although I will need to use all of the above in moderation, I'm feeling like life is really good in the kitchen right now.

What foods to choose?

We've returned home to Indonesia from our home country, Canada, and have been settling in our new home for the last 2 1/2 weeks.  Just before we left we had packed up our old house, crammed our boxes and few pieces of furniture into one of the rooms of our new place (which was still being occupied by a friend of ours), and hoped that 6 weeks of storage in a hot, locked room wouldn't cause any damage.  Thankfully, everything was just fine when my husband removed and unpacked all the boxes, while waiting for us to return a week later.  While he was doing that, I was busy shopping and packing up our suitcases and totes with as many purchases and gluten-free foods as I could find in Canada.  The big decision now that we're back is which box or bag of cookies or snacks to open, because once it's opened it needs to be eaten in the next while before it goes stale from humidity.  What a delicious dilemma!

In all actuality, I didn't bring nearly as many gluten-free foods back with me as I'd thought.  It was quite overwhelming to think ahead for a full year and try to decide what was important (note to self:  Potato starch...buy lots!  It's in almost all of the baking recipes I've tried since returning) and what was going to just be a suitcase-hog.  I ended up bringing mostly just bags of flour, a few boxes of cookies (oh, yum, I love my Glutino lemon wafer cookies...next year, it's 3 boxes for sure!), a few GF starches and some cooking utensils that I've reserved just for my own cooking.  Since I've returned I've had the great idea of writing down all the things I'd like to bring back next year, and include how many bags of each I think I'd use in a year.  For example, a bag of xanthan gum will last me a year, I think, if I use it in conjunction with the guar gum that people have found for me.  This way, I won't almost start crying next time I walk into a food store that carries rows upon rows of GF foods, like I did the first time.

One thing I've noticed since I've returned is that I have much more stamina than before.  Maybe my body has healed itself (finally!), maybe it has something to do with the weight I've gained, or maybe I've just returned rested.  I don't know the main reason, but I do know that I enjoy it!  Today I played tennis and before I realized it, we'd played past our hour mark.  That's HUGE for me, especially since I kept on going and haven't even thought of a nap yet today.  I think this is going to be a great year...

Recommendable Gluten-Free Restaurants in BC

Our road trip is over and it was full of fun, family, friends, sunshine, and lots and lots of mileage.  We saw a variety of wild animals, clean waterfalls, icy cold rivers, the majestic, snow-capped Rocky Mountains (quite new and pointy in terms of mountains), miles of rolling hills that flattened into plains, and ate a lot of good food.  It was good to connect with my brother and his family in Red Deer, Alberta, as well as family in Calgary, and then head to our friends in Idaho.  Along the road we ate out of our cooler, and when at people's homes we ate in.  Each meal in every home was thoughtfully prepared by our hosts and hostesses, and I am really thankful for the gluten-free meals that each one provided.  I was a little concerned about how I was going to eat without being a pain, but everyone was very accommodating.  Since we've returned to BC I've had a few opportunities to eat out, and I'm so thankful for the allergy-awareness of every restaurant we've gone to.  Very refreshing from eating out in Indonesia!

While in Surrey, Tris and I wanted to go out on a lunch date, and when I googled "gluten-free restaurants + Langley" (nearby city) a whole bunch of Greek restaurants came up.  Not a problem, since that's one of our favourite meals to eat.  We chose a restaurant that we later realized we'd eaten at years ago for one of our earlier anniversaries, and it was Poseidon Restaurant.  Wouldn't you know it, our server had just recently discovered that she needed to be gluten and dairy free, so she was able to answer all my questions and to set me up with one of the best Greek meals I've ever had.  I ended up having the chicken souvlaki with rice, greek potatoes, greek salad, veggies and tzadziki.  The combination of tzadziki and feta weren't the best idea, but that was my idea, not theirs.  Yesterday, while in Nanaimo, my mom and I had another greek lunch at Milanos, and it was ordered on the recommendation of the cook there, who apparently has a few regular gluten-free customers.  Not quite as good as the one at Poseidon, but delicious nonetheless, and I'd recommend going there for both the food and the customer service.

My favourite dining experience was in Courtenay, when my mom and I headed to Atlas Cafe, known locally (and probably beyond) for their healthy, fresh meals and for their allergy-awareness menus.  I can't even begin to explain the emotions I felt when our server handed me my very own "Celiac Menu" on an entire sheet of paper, full of choices JUST FOR ME!  This alone could bring me back to Canada, I swear!  Most of the choices involved a tortilla of some kind, and as I looked around I saw that most of the other customers were eating flour wraps of some kind as well.  That was a good eating day.

The most personal eating-out experience I have had was at the White Spot in Campbell River.  Their menus don't indicate any allergy-awareness yet, but apparently that will change by next November.  When I asked about gluten-free awareness, the hostess arranged for the manager to come and chat with us to give me an idea what I could order.  Within minutes the manager had come to our table, scootched me over in the booth, and sat beside me while we looked through an allergy chart.  It was customer service to the maximum!  Although I really wanted a Triple O Burger with caesar salad and zucchini sticks (sigh), I ordered the Spot Salad with grilled chicken, along with the spicy sweet potato fries and chipotle dip.  There is a coating on the fries, but I was assured that it was gluten-free.  Later, I came home to google more information and came up with great reassurance online (see this post).

I was a little hesitant when I took my dad out for a belated Father's Day breakfast last Sunday, as we headed to Ricky's Restaurant.  I wasn't expecting to be able to eat much more than a fruit cup, but once I talked to our server and she discussed it with the cook, I ended up with a basic egg breakfast with tomatoes instead of toast.  I think I enjoyed the company more than the meal, but that's probably because I'm not a breakfast lover in the first place.  

I never thought I'd have so much fun eating out as I have in the past 3 weeks, and it's a pity I cannot take this fun with me to Indonesia.  I'm sure that there are restaurants there that will accommodate my needs but other than my favourite Grasshopper Thai in Benton Junction (and a new one being built in Alam Sutera!) I have yet to find an understanding, accommodating dining experience.  In just one week I will have the opporunity to begin more gluten-free food research in Indo as I head home with my kids and meet up with my husband, who returns tomorrow.

NOTE:  later in the afternoon, after I wrote this post, I went out for lunch once again in Courtenay.  This time I went to Union Street Grill on 5th Street, and I was able to once more ask for a gluten-free menu.  I can only use the words delight and thrilled to describe my excitement when I realized that my absolute favourite salad in the WORLD (well, one of them at least) was on this specialized menu.  It's a pork and feta salad with a yogourt dressing.   I had to take something for the dairy, but that didn't stop me.  It was delicious and if I lived around here I'd go back regularly.

Road Trip

Today was day 1 of our Alberta bound road trip and it's been perfect.   My husband strategically packed our luggage into the van around the cooler, GF food tote, and his golf clubs, we threw a bunch of blankets and fluffy pillows on top, and headed east towards the Rockie Mountains.  Our first stop was with our family (4 cousins, 1 aunt, 1 uncle, and 2 grandparents) to a Rod and Gun Club, where it was an open house for kids.  After shooting a rifle each, we said our goodbyes (no pistols this time, kids...the road was calling!) to our family and headed to the grocery store.  There we stocked up on non-GF foods and snacks (I'd already stocked my food) and then drove off.  British Columbia is truly beautiful and I'm soaking in all the scenery and smells that I can.  Later, I will close my eyes and think on this beauty when I'm missing home back in Indonesia.

I was a little concerned about eating on the road, but rather than being hungry, I think the biggest problem I'll have is how to STOP eating.  I have an abundance of favourite snacks like ju jubes, Glutino lemon cookies, fruit, chocolate, salt & vinegar chips, Hawkins Cheezies, water and juice.  Of course, these snacks will be stretched out over the road trip (at least the first 3 days!) and then I'll have to find other goodies on the trip home.  Not sure where I'll look because I have found that the stores I had expected would provide a good variety of GF foods do not, but I must say, I was very impressed with London Drugs' selection.  I'd highly recommend a visit to this store if you're looking for GF crackers/cookies/snacks at a decent price.

I'm not sure what we'll do for breakfast tomorrow, but the Mexican place we went to dinner at here in Salmon Arm, BC was very accommodating to my Celiac needs.  After explaining my needs, we came to the conclusion that really, all I could eat was the shrimp salad with no dressing, but it was delicious and I walked away feeling like I ate a nutritious, filling meal.  Maybe tomorrow I'll be eating my Natures Path maple cereal with rice milk while my family eats a hearty greasy-spoon breakfast, but I don't mind.  I've got my other snacks to get me through the Rockies:)

Two Weeks into Canada

It's been almost 2 weeks and although time is flying by, we're really enjoying our trip home to Canada.   Like I said in the previous post, gluten-free/dairy-free food is in abundance here and I've taken full advantage.  The first thing my husband said to me this morning was "hello my Butterball," which is a really good sign that the 3-4 lbs I've gained are starting to show.  I'm curious what name he'll choose at the end of our 6 weeks when my foodfest is over and we head back to Indonesia.

In the beginning, I think I might have overdone it.  The day before we headed to Vancouver Island to my parents' house, and the eve of my 41st birthday, I got the sickest I've been since my diagnosis in January.  I don't know which upset me more, the way my body was acting or the fact that I might have to postpone our trip for a day or so.  Thankfully, the next morning I was feeling about 75% better and well enough for a ferry ride and lonely highway drive to my parents.  I'm not sure whether it was gluten, dairy, a combination (although I was being so careful!), or whether it was just traveling and the bugs we often confront just taking its toll on my travel weary body.  Regardless, it passed quickly and I've been feeling great (although a little sleepy) since.

Here's the dilemma of being Celiac:  when ill and tired, do you blame the disease or circumstance, ie/ travel, bad food, bad air, jet lag?  I wonder if I'll ever figure that one out.  It's becoming apparent that whatever life throws at me, I have to take it each day and tackle the issue at hand, using wisdom and intellect and lots of prayer to get me through.  Sometimes before I go to buy something I ask God, "is this ok?"  and I go with what I think He's telling me.  I figure if I can't count on Him to help me sort this out, who can I count on?

My wheatless hot cereal is just finishing boiling on the stove, and it's time to go and eat breakfast.  We're actually taking out our 3 nieces and 1 nephew to breakfast, and I need to fill up before we go to the restaurant just in case all I can find to eat is a cup of tea and a fruit platter.

Thanks for reading.

Gluten-Free Heaven...so it seems

There is definitely something to be said about being gluten-free in Canada, and I'd use one word:  easier.  We've been home for 3 days and I've enjoyed all kinds of pre-made foods like cookies, crackers, pepperoni, hot cereal and tons of fresh fruit and veggies.  I even enjoyed store-bought, gluten-free bread.  Heaven!  It wasn't exactly fluffy white bread, but with some  non-dairy margarine melted on it, coated with cinnamon and brown sugar, it was such a treat that it was the first thing I thought of this morning as my eyes popped open to the early morning Canadian sun.  I must admit, I was a bit overwhelmed with all the choices in one of the local grocery stores in my in-laws hometown (city).  So overwhelmed, in fact, with my 3 shopping companions excitedly showing me all the gluten-free products that they were finding, that I had to ask for a few moments just to peruse the aisles alone.  Very graciously all 3 left me alone for a bit, and then my mother in law came to shop alongside me and I used her natural-foods knowledge to help me shop more nutritiously.  It was such a success that I've spent the last 3 days eating fun foods rather than the usual basics that I tend to fill my belly with.  Of course I'm still eating nutritious foods, but the gaps are filled with treats.  My weight goal:  to gain about 3 kilos while I'm here.  So far this hasn't seemed like an option but I believe that as the toxins of traveling evaporate from my body in those ways that toxins tend to travel, the tables will turn and weight will increase.  That's the hope, anyways.

At first when I arrived home I thought that the gluten-free meals I had eaten on the flights were the culprits for my stomach upset, but watching the rest of my gluten-eating family go through the same symptoms as me, I think that it's just the way of traveling.  I was actually quite impressed with China Airlines' meal plans for gluten-intolerance.  They were quite bland but they had lots of meat and veggies, and filled in all the gaps with fresh fruit.  I think I'd rather go bland than wonder what's in the sauce smothering the chicken breast.  I have to admit that I didn't eat the cake that they served me...nor did I touch the apple juice cup that was only written in Chinese.  My level of trust just doesn't go beyond the unknown (rice flour or wheat?  What DO those characters say about the stabilizer in the juice?).  Other than that, it was all good.

Before I sign off, I've been made aware through a fellow blogger in Singapore of a link to gluten-free travel cards for Celiacs at this link.  This is a great idea, as even though I'm learning Indonesian, there's ALWAYS some kind of miscommunication between myself and the server in whatever restaurant I choose to eat at in Indonesia.

The countdown is on...heading home to Canada in a bit.  Less than a week and we'll be wearing long sleeves and jeans, at least for the first few weeks, although we're hoping the rumours of "colder than usual" weather are going to change to "unbelievably beautiful, sunny"weather.  Aside from our trip home from Germany, the day after finding out I need to avoid gluten, this will be my first long trip as a Celiac.  I've already contacted the airlines and they do have a 'gluten intolerant' food option, although nothing remotely close to a dairy-free one.  I figure I'll pack a few things to eat on the side and hope for the best from the menu.  I read online about so many unfortunate meals being served to Celiacs, like breaded meat or pasta being served, with careful attention to there not being any rolls or cakes served with the meal.

I still haven't gotten used to ALWAYS asking what is in something, and I try to avoid it in social settings as much as possible.  Instead of asking my girlfriends "what did you put in this?" I just choose not to eat it...except when it looks way too delicious and there is a chance I can eat it.  I know it'll be awkward on the plane when they serve things like drinks..."may I look at the orange juice box to read the ingredients....?" so I'll probably just stick with water.  I figure some people fast for 24 hours on purpose, and if that's what ends up happening (except I'll have my boiled eggs and gluten-free fruit bars), I'll definitely survive.

It's exciting knowing that I'm not only going home to family and friends, I'm also heading to a place where I can eat and sample and try new things.  We'll be buying totes to bring home and you can be sure that they'll be stuffed with GF goodies.

2000 Calorie Daily Intake

The other day I was at a social event and a friend tapped me on the shoulder. "You're too skinny. You need to stop," she said to me.  My response, "I'm trying."

I seriously am trying.  The other day my husband Tris looked up how many calories I should be eating per day, based on my height and my ideal weight (according to my ideals), and I should be eating 2000 calories.  Sounds easy, right?  If you can eat fast food, you can cover 1500 calories in a basic meal alone.  If you want healthy, and for me, gluten-free, it's a bit more of a challenge.  Check out this YouTube clip of what one fitness trainer figures 2000 calories looks like (click here).

Regardless of whether you watch the clip or not, it's a lot of food.  I figure if I pace myself and fill the gaps in with snacks and a morning protein shake, I can hit the 2000 calorie goal by the end of the day.  Needless to say, I've got a self-appointed calorie counter who loves me very much and is watching what I eat AND what I don't eat ("Have you had breakfast yet??").

After my friend said that to me, I thought about what others must see.  I exercise very regularly and it probably looks like I'm heading for a specific weight goal.  Little does the outsider know that it's weight gain, not loss!  Being Osteopenic gives me a drive to increase my bone density, which is done not only through eating calcium/magnesium rich foods and taking supplements, but also by exercising regularly.  Knowing what I know, I avoid "crash"sports now, the ones where I'm likely to be physically smashed into, at least until I can get some more medical advice on what my bones can take.  I also try to fit in "impact" sports like tennis, running (which I substitute for skipping in private!), resistance weights, lunges and squats.  By doing this, I increase my need for calories even more.  It ends up being a bit of an endless circle and one that overwhelms me now and then.

At least now my body is absorbing nutrients now.  I no longer need a daily nap, although I sure can sleep a good hour on the weekends!!, my hair and skin are looking healthy, and I'm not losing any more weight.  Like I said, I'm trying.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, someone who hadn't yet heard about my diagnosis with Celiac, and he was genuinely interested in how the disease has affected me in the last few years, through diagnosis 5 months ago, until now.  During our conversation mention of this blog came up,  and as I talked about why I even started writing it, I realized that I haven't been writing about my journey with complete honesty.  This is a blog about a journey, and journeys always involve some level of difficulty.  I think ultimately I haven't wanted to write with "a little tiny man playing a violin on my shoulder" as my mom used to say, meaning I haven't wanted to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself.  However, if there is even one person out there who reads this blog and benefits from hearing about the challenges of learning to live with Celiac, if one person out there realizes that all the turmoil in their head isn't exclusive to themselves, then I guess I need to write.

On that note, I think I'll just list randomly the kinds of things I deal with and sometimes how I don't deal with them very well.  That's probably the best way to begin.

*I love food: I love to bake; I enjoy photographing food being prepared, cooked, any kind of finished products; I love to smell food being prepared; I love tactile textures and colour contrasts; I love to try new recipes and to feed them to my friends and family. I could classify "chopping, dicing, slicing" as a hobby.  I don't know if I qualify as a Foodie, but I'm definitely a fan.  Some people just don't "get" that I've had a significant part of who I am taken away, with a gaping hole waiting to be filled with a new version of who that was.  I'm slowly working on filling that hole, but it's time consuming, frustrating, expensive and takes a lot of patience.
*there ARE gluten-free foods available in boxed form here in the Jakarta area.  For that I'm thankful.  However, not all of them are tasty, let alone delicious, and some are downright awful.  As I sift through various brands I try not to be picky, and some, like the lasagna noodles a friend bought me, taste 'normal.' Often I find a brand that works, and then it's no longer available on the shelves.  Very frustrating.
*The most difficult thing for me, I think, are social gatherings.  In no way do I expect anyone else to cater to my needs in any way, and I'm a big girl and can bring my own food, but sometimes, it's just really, really hard to listen to others discuss recipes, exclaim over how delicious a recipe is, and to just see loads of food spread before me knowing I can typically eat from one or two dishes.
*if I go to a social event where few people know I'm Celiac, it's very difficult to keep having to say no to well-meaning hostesses, and when they insist, having to figure out how to explain politely, in the least amount of words that I want to eat their food, but I just can't.
*It's a challenge not knowing if I'm truly healthy or not, and not having a way to find out.  I can look online and google all I want, yet when articles and advice begin to contradict each other, I'm on my own.  
*Apparently I'm supposed to have gained weight, but that's not happening.  I don't see that as a good thing.  I used to not mind being photographed, but now, I just like being on the viewfinder side of a camera.
*eating out sucks, and the further away I get from my diagnosis, the less we go out.  This affects our social life to a certain extent.
*figuring out what to eat is a bit of a pain, especially when I'm really hungry and there's no prepared items (gluten-free leftovers/cake/snacks) to eat.  I get tired of nuts and dried fruits, boiled eggs, and green salad topped with tuna.  Sometimes what I wouldn't do to be able to order a big, juicy burger and some fries!
*sometimes the things that go on in my head are too much.  I find that I struggle with bitterness, and I have to watch the path I allow my thoughts to take.

Life with Celiac isn't easy...but there are no guarantees, and life BEFORE Celiac wasn't super easy, either.  What I've shared here may not even seem that difficult, especially compared to some people's situations.  However, it is my life and what I'm experiencing.
Thanks for reading.

Big Huge Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

I KNOW that I just posted yesterday, but I'm so excited that I have successfully made some deliciously moist gluten-free chocolate chip cookies that I had to share the recipe immediately.  I wasn't sure what flour combination to use and didn't want to ruin yet another batch of baking, but was inspired by a wise man who once said "enjoy the process."  Actually, that great man was my husband, who was sitting on the couch watching me fret over how much it was going to cost me to make anything from the North American blogs that give me North American purchasing advice.  My solution was to take a flour mixture recipe recommended by a friend, and tweak it to include flours I have in my fridge.  Below the cookie recipe is the flour mix I used.  A little bit of flour from Australia, a little from Singapore, and some purchased in Jakarta. I realize this flour combination may not be one that can easily be repeated, but I'm pretty convinced that other flour combinations can be used in substitution.  Worse case scenario, you end up with a chocolatey flat cake, filled with chewy raisins and walnuts!

Gluten free and delicious!

Big, Huge, Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 ¼ cup mixed GF flour*

½ tsp baking soda

¼ tsp salt

½ tsp xanthan gum

¼ cup ground flax

½ cup butter

½ cup brown sugar

½ c white sugar

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

handful of each:  raisins, chocolate chips, chopped walnuts

Heat oven to 350 degrees (gas mark 4).

Sift the first 4 dry ingredients, then stir in flax.  Beat butter and sugars until fluffy, then add egg and vanilla.  If you are using an electric hand beater, switch to a wooden spoon and gently stir in chocolate chips, walnuts and raisins.

Spoon well-spaced, well-rounded onto parchment lined cookie sheets.  Bake 7-10 minutes, depending on your oven.  Cookies edges will be brown and center no longer shiny when done.  Remove from oven and cool just enough to be able to pick up the cookie with your fingers.  Eat and enjoy! 

Note:  Makes 8-10 big cookies, but rounds can be made smaller to stretch the dough.

*International All-Purpose Baking Flour (international because of where flours where bought):

1/2 cup sorghum flour

1/2 cup self-rising flour (from Australia...wasn't very good when used alone.  Rice/Maize flour based)

1 cup tapioca flour

1/2 cup cornstarch

1/2 cup white rice flour

For every cup of starch I've used 1 tablespoon of purple sweet potato flour (ie/ 3 cups mixed flour use 3 tbsp potato flour)  note:  you can substitute potato flour for the sweet potato flour

Another way to use this wonderfully purple flour!!  Cookies come out with a slight purple-green tinge but taste wonderful.

Boxed Pre-Mixes

Life is good, and so is pizza.  I'd forgotten how good until yesterday, when I whipped up a box of Orgran's pizza dough.  I'd actually been given the mixture about 3 months ago but kept putting off making it because I'd read online a few times about what a sticky mess pizza dough can be.  In actuality, it was no problem, and it took hardly any time at all to make.  After mixing the rice milk, sugar and yeast I added the oil, threw in the premixed dry ingredients, and stirred with a fork.  I kneaded the sticky dough a bit in my large stainless steel bowl, and then after dividing into two balls, I kneaded some more on a cornflour dusted slab of marble (the marble because my kitchen counter is made of tiles and the thought of kneading bread over the grout grosses me out).  One thing I noted for the future is that once the dough is kneaded, pat it gently from a ball into a flat round.  Before flattening it into a pizza shell, I placed it on the oiled pizza pan, because otherwise it crumbled when moved.  Once ready, I topped it with homemade gluten-free pizza sauce and lots of veggies.  Although cheese is on my list of oks, I still used only a little bit, mostly to hold the veggies on.

Another boxed mix that I've enjoyed lately is the Orgran gluten-free bread mix that can be made by hand or in a bread maker. Before, I always enjoyed dark breads but at this point white is all I've got and I'm determined to love it.  The first time I made it I didn't add any extras and I cut the pieces really fat, and I wasn't too crazy about the texture or taste.  The second time I added some flax and it turned out pretty nice.  After a few 'from scratch' disasters, I went back to the boxed mix.  I added an extra egg and about 1/4 cup of ground flax, and when I cut it to freeze it, I sliced it as thin as I could.  This worked best when cooled.  I don't know that I'd use this when travelling because I really only enjoy this bread toasted.  It's especially nice when hot and loaded with melted butter, then topped with orange marmalade.  It takes me a long time to eat a whole loaf myself, but the next time I make one I'll try and add a few nuts and see what happens.

I'm looking forward to bringing some flours back from Canada that I can use to make from-scratch bread.  So far the flours I've found here are mostly stale, or else I just think that they are stale and that's the way that they always taste.  Soon to find out!

Heavenly Cornbread

When I first started this blog it was my intention to try out new recipes and then post them.  The lack of recipes on here is a blazing indication of the lack of success that I've had with a lot of baking recipes.  Meals and sauces from scratch I can do, and I should post some of those.  However, I had a glimpse of success this last Sunday, when I combined a variety of recipes together and added a touch of my own to create what I now call Heavenly Cornbread.  This recipe comes on the tail of some very bitter, stale tasting homemade breads (which ended up in the trash), and after an overabundance of buckwheat-based pancakes and cakes, and so I swear, as I tasted my first bite, I heard angels singing.  S'truth!

Heavenly Cornbread

1 cup white rice flour

3/4 cup cornmeal (also called polenta)

3 Tablespoons of sugar

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon guar gum or xanthan gum

1 Tablespoon butter or bacon grease (or mix)

2 beaten eggs

1 cup milk

1/4 cup melted butter

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees (gas mark 6).

Mix dry ingredients in a medium mixing bowl. 

Melt the one tablespoon of butter/bacon fat and swirl to coat the bottom and insides of a round baking pan, or 8x8 inch square baking pan.  In a small bowl, combine the eggs, milk, and 1/4 cup butter. Add this mixture all at once to the flour mixture and stir until just moistened.

Bake for 15-20 minutes or until a wooden toothpick poked into the centre comes out clean. Serve warm with butter and honey.

This recipe is good for about 2 more days if kept in fridge and microwaved.

Substitutions:

I cannot use a lot of milk while I can still have butter, so I substituted rice milk for the milk.

Outside of Indonesia you can find dairy-free margarine, which you can substitute for the butter.

Suggestions:

Throw in a 1/8 cup ground or whole flax seeds for extra flavour.

May I take that back?

Twenty four hours from the last post and I've changed my mind.  Like I said earlier, I need to experiment and that is how I'm gaining knowledge and learning how to live with Celiac. I went to Burger King, ordered a bunless burger with fries, and 7 hours later posted that I felt great.  Having not eaten anything else even remotely suspicious between then and bedtime, I know that it's the BK food that kept waking me up all through last night, poking me with nauseousness and the rest of the kit that comes with eating gluten for me.  So, after contemplating whether or not I delete my last post or not, just in case another newby Celiac reads and decides to try the BK burger, I will leave it be with the warning:  bunless is NOT enough when it comes to the BK burger.  Since this is a record of my journey towards better health and greater knowledge, I'll leave the last post alone and stick with my BK fries next time.

Burger King

It's taken a few months to get up the nerve to walk into our local Burger King (yep, our local mall is full of American franchises) and ask for "satu Jr. Whopper, tanpa roti (one Jr Whopper without the bun).  Today I was so hungry and my day was so full that I figured it was worth a try if it meant getting something to fill the hole.  Without any medical advice here, and my nutritionist friend Chris has moved to the Philippines, I am pretty much my own advisor, so that means I need to experiment a little to get my answers.

When I placed my order, I was a little surprised that the girl at the till didn't blink an eye, and yelled back "NO BUN!!" (apparently my "tanpa roti" wasn't necessary!).  They even knew how to pack the sad little meat patty, so I figure there must be some no-carbs dieters somewhere out there who eat at BK.  It was a little tricky to eat the bun-less burger in my car as I headed to the next event on my list, but it didn't take me long to down my first 'burger' in 5 months.  Five months to the day, actually.  I've already eaten BK fries twice, with BK ketchup, without any symptoms that I can pinpoint.  Yet.  So, I now can add Burger King to my list of "Cans."  

I realize that each person is different, reactions and Celiac sensitivities are different, and probably each franchise location is different, but it's good to know that I can go to BK in our local mall now and enjoy lunch with my friends as they feed their kids.  Not sure I'm brave enough to try any other franchises yet, but I'll keep researching online and see what others have to say about those.

Note:  Twenty four hours later I've decided to change my mind about bunless BK burgers.  See next post.

Chocolate, Cheese and Buffet Dinners

Well it looks like dairy might be back on the list of "Can Eat" once again...at least in moderation.  I've been doing a bit of experimentation with...you guessed it...chocolate!  I've eaten an entire Canadian-made Cadbury's chocolate mint bar over the course of a week, as well as thrown in a few doses of heavily-buttered popcorn.  Last night I was tempted by some cheese and succumbed.  So far so good!  At a birthday party a few nights ago I had a few scoops of cream-cheese laden Mexican bean dip and was thrilled to find that my body quite happily accepted it.  Of course my taste buds are ALWAYS saying 'you go girl!' but a few hours later the rest of me is asking a lamenting "why???"

Last night was a food challenge as my husband and I chaperoned our school's Social Community's "Healing Hands Charity Ball."  Money was raised for cancer treatments in honour of Ibu Mona, a teacher who very recently passed away due to cancer,  After much hoopla over getting ready (five grade 7 girls in my home, curls being straightened, straight hair curled, dresses and high heels and lots of shiny things stuck everywhere), we headed over to maintain some order at the school gym.  This was NOT a difficult task in any way as the entire lot of kids was very well behaved and spent most of their energy on eating and dancing the night away.  The difficulty for me came in the way of the dinner buffet, which looked and smelled delicious.  As always, it seemed that most things, even the steamed veggies, had some kind of extra in it, whether it was soy sauce, soup stock powder or some unknown brown source that I was not willing to tackle.  I'm learning that in order to enjoy the night, I need to put aside my love of food (I have always been a sucker for All-You-Can-Eat buffets) and to just enjoy my surroundings and my company.  My meal consisted of tropical fruit, white rice, and some krupuk (Indonesian 'bingo chips' that when placed in oil pop into large, puffy chips) and a glass of water.  Now that I know that dairy seems to be a safe bet, I'll probably add vanilla ice cream to that list next time.

Although it's fun to eat, last night was enjoyable mostly because I was able to chat with some friends that we don't see that often, to dance with our son and daughter (ok, proud mom moment when Abby danced with Dad and Matt with me, and neither worried a smidge about what their friends thought) and to watch our kids and their friends have such a fun time dancing that they didn't stop dancing until the take-down crew was ready to go-at-'er.

First Long-Term "Celiac" Journey

I have just returned from the "jungles" of North Sulawesi with my family and 2 other families and have survived.  Only once did I become a little bit "celiac-sick" and I have returned home the same weight as when I left.  That's saying a lot, because eating wasn't always easy, and we were always on the go.  Our first stop was Bunaken Island, and our 2nd was in the mountains just outside of Manado, in Tomahon.  Although the restaurants (for lack of a better word) in both locations tried to be accommodating, I found the latter the most attentive to my diet.  This became obvious the moment our host asked "is anybody here vegetarian?"

After being picked up at the Manado airport we were driven to what was to become a memorable starry, moonlit boat ride to our first location, Bunakan Beach Resort.  During the ride we were told that the owner of the resort was getting married the next day, and our families were invited to join in.  Although we were excited about the cultural experience ahead, we agreed that we'd probably not partake of the dog-rat stew that was part of the buffet.  Before retiring for our first night, I spoke with the cook--who it turns out was the bride herself--about what I could and could not eat.  Although I think she understood the gyst of it, some of the earnestness was lost in communication as she later explained to her staff  how to deal with me.  It wasn't until the 2nd night, that of the wedding itself, when I went down into the kitchen to cook my buckwheat pancakes that I was able to use some of the wisdom I learned from a fellow Celiac's blog .  I told the staff who had gathered to watch me cook my pancakes (3 ladies and one fellow) that I had an illness like diebetes, and if I eat anything I'm not supposed to, I will become very sick.  That seemed to work, so thank you Singapore Coeliac! After that, I was usually given a separate bowl each meal that contained 2 boiled eggs and some form of cooked vegetable.  Not my ideal meal but I was really thankful for the break.  I was getting tired of asking "what is in this sauce?" or "is this made from powder?"  I think the staff was getting tired of hearing it as well.

One thing about Indonesian culture that seems to get in my way of healthy eating is that typically, Indonesians are very agreeable.  If I ask "is there soy sauce in this?" they will so often say yes, even though it doesn't, because they THINK that that is the answer I want to hear.  I'm learning to ask what ingredients are in something, and then to repeat back to the staff member what they've said to me.  Often they'll elaborate a little upon the second repetition.  When it gets too complicated, I eat white rice and then snack on nuts and dried fruit later.

I have to admit that I felt a little sorry for my fellow travellers, as I was constantly aware of what was being served, how, and to whom (especially when I was forgotten in the mix).  On our final morning in Bunaken, fried egg sandwiches were being served to all for breakfast.  My husband explained (for the umpeenth time) that I cannot have the bread but would like the egg.  After a long wait, out came my egg sandwich, complete with 3 pieces of toast.  It is not a very nice feeling to look someone in the eye and tell them that they got my order wrong, and also to know that I was going to waste food that somebody living very, very nearby would probably LOVE to eat.  Thankfully a man we'd just met offered to take my roti dan telur off my hands and out came 2 more boiled eggs 20 minutes later.

Life got a lot easier for me when we entered Highlands Resort & Spa in the mountains, because not only had we stopped at a grocery store and picked up some snacks on the way (I'd eaten most of mine as fillers on the island), but because the staff asked about dietary needs.  It was established that I can eat rice and bihun (rice vermicelli), as well as a variety of made-from-scratch dinner meals that the cook, Ibu Ati, was quite willing to make for me.  My first meal consisted of chicken and corn egg-drop soup, with cap cai and rice on the side.  Both breakfasts contained one special fried dish just for me, sauce-less, and at least one egg.  I was very thankful that I didn't have to be on top of things, and that as soon as the staff saw me heading towards the buffet breakfast, they'd bring out my meal.  I do have to admit, though, I am still a little uptight about checking how things are being done, and although I see it as being irritating to the staff, my fellow travellers encouraged me that it's actually being aggressively healthy.  Something I'll continue to learn as I go, I suspect.

This short, 5-night trip away from general civilization (mostly felt in the lack of food stores) was a great opportunity for me to learn a variety of things.  I found that I do need to bring some basics like Bragg's soy sauce substitute, some non-dairy milk, some protein snacks (nuts, nuts nuts!!!) and some sweets that will stave off an almost daily sweet-tooth craving.  I also learned that I need to not be intimidated by staff or situations within a vacation setting, or I may get lost in the 'dining cracks.'

Dwindling Supplies

When we first moved to Indonesia, there were some political changes going on that affected us mostly in the area of food.  For the first 6 months we'd find mayonnaise, boxed cakes, icings, all kinds of flours, a variety of imported goods and snacks, and then all of a sudden, everything stopped at the docks.  There were political red tape excuses keeping food stocks on the docks, typically associated with taxes, and so the ex-pats had to make do with local mayo (yuck), cakes from scratch (I prefer anyways), and learning how to either make do with what was out there, substituting local ingredients, or having a friend who was heading from overseas bring things in a suitcase.  I opted for the latter as we had a steady flow of visitors in our first year of living here.  Sadly, that has petered out a bit, with the odd visitor popping in...our last one stayed only 50 hours but it was worth it still.

Today, it's a treat to go shopping in Jakarta, and sometimes even at the local grocery store.  Once in a while we'll find a real treat and share the news with friends.  It was quite a delight when Snickers appeared on the shelves a few months ago, and now that there are Snickers bars commercials on tv, we figure they're here to stay.  Unfortunately, my gluten-free shopping experience is a big similar to my earlier one, where when I first was diagnosed in January, I found gluten-free goodies all over the place.  Now, it seems stocks have dwindled and am I forced to make my own treats.  Not a huge deal, though, because as I settle into this life-style, the 'overwhelmingness' (new word!) of it all diminishes with each new successful gluten-free/dairy-free recipe. I haven't thrown anything into the garbage in over 2 weeks, and the banana cake I made today actually smelled delicious as it came out of the oven.  I have sweet friends who, when we get together, actually research how to make a gluten-free treat, and bring it along just so I can eat with the group.  One even had a boxed brownie mix sent from the United States.  Needless to say, I made it immediately and it sits, pre-cut, in my freezer.  I dive into it every few days and the chocolately-ness of it all just makes my day:).

A trip home to Canada is on the horizon, and growing closer each day.  I try not to think about it too much, but am excited at the eating-prospects (not quite as excited as seeing family and friends, though) and am already planning what I'll be bring back with me.

Thanks for reading.

Island Eating

Bunaken National Park, Sulawesi, Indonesia

In a week our family is packing up for 5 days and heading north to the seashore.  I've always wanted to say that, "heading to the seashore."  We have almost always lived on an island and the shore has always just 'been there,' so NOW we get to 'head there.' I have to admit, I am really excited about it and have been looking forward to it since we booked our tickets last November.  This is the first time that I have had to think ahead about what I am going to eat, and since where we're heading is rather primitive (no hotel, a simple bamboo villa will do, thank you) I am anticipating simple fare.  My husband has contacted the first place that we're staying at in Bunaken National Park (still in Indonesia, an island cluster just below the Philippines) and he figures that they're a little nervous about me coming.  It doesn't sound like they get too many "special food needs" people there.  It seems they want me to cook my own meals with food that they have provided.  My opinion?  Bring it on!  What better way to learn the local cuisine than to cook it myself?  I'm actually pretty sure that being as remote as it is supposed to be, it'll mostly be fresh meat/fish/poultry, some greens and rice, along with the normally offered 'western' fare of pastas and deep fried foods.   Have Braggs, will travel!

Slow As Molasses

What I've learned from my other blog is that when I feel like writing about something that is important to me and only me, but seems rather trivial to the rest of the entire world, write about it anyways.  Over the last almost 3 years we've lived in Indonesia and I've blogged each step of the way.  I've blogged through loneliness, sickness, trips to Bali, Lombock and around Jakarta, visits to slums, walks around our own Lippo Village; I've written about sports days, lazy days, sad days, cooking classes that have taken place in my kitchen, English lessons taught in a cemetary, birthdays celebrated, reunions with friends and family, struggles with the language, rodents and lizards in and around our house, a friend and I finding (and eating) "rodent" poop next to my fridge (I still laugh when I think of how shocked my kids were when I popped a "poop" into my mouth...), hot days, incredibly loud and sometimes dangerous thunderstorms...and the list goes on.  When I go over the posts I am amazed at how much I have already forgotten, and how it's wonderful to have the memories stored somewhere other than my own mind.  Thankfully they are stored somewhere other than my own mind or they'd be lost forever!!!  And so today...

As I wander along this path of "getting to know Celiac disease," I am surprised regularly by how little I know about how my body will respond, and when I think I've got it figured out, things change.  Last weekend I was in Singapore talking to a doctor, who I admit made me feel less anxious by her knowledge of how to treat my symptoms.  After I returned home on Monday night, I kept busy throughout the week.  Nothing felt different and I don't think I did anything different.  By Friday night, I had to cancel a games night with friends because of a variety of symptoms including lethargy and fever.  I slept on and off until Saturday, 1 pm, between getting up to make breakfast and to wander the house.  I NEVER stay in bed until the afternoon so I have no idea what that was about.  Today is Tuesday and I'm still lethargic, even after eating regularly and taking my vitamins.  Now I need to figure out what's going on but there's just nothing to put my finger on, except I was too busy last week.  One thing I think I need to remind myself is that celiac is not an allergy, it's an autoimmune disease, and quite possibly I've been fighting off something for days.  I guess time will tell, but right now I'm off to pilates to see if I can't conjure up some energy by stretching and twisting and most likely sweating a little.

Thanks for reading.

Canadian Spring found in Singapore

Finally. A doctor with some answers.  I'm not sure how much Celiac knowledge she has, but at this point it's the symptoms that I'm interested in improving, and I like having answers.  Last week a friend and I went to see an "Age Management" doctor, one who specializes in, well, aging.  Something we're all doing but some of us need more help than others. We bought our plane tickets online, packed our bags (a medium one for 5 days...very proud of myself on that one), and flew to Singapore.  Thankfully, my friend has a friend who was heading to Australia, and her house was free for us to use.  This wasn't just any old house; we shared what is equivalent to a five-star hotel room, complete with a marshmallow bed.  I was thinking that it's a really good thing that depression isn't an issue for me, because once I got into that incredibly comfortable bed I may never have wanted to leave.  We even had cable tv.  With all the channels.

 After fasting breakfast the day after our arrival, I had a blood test, and then later had a bone density test and a few other things done.  There came a point in our morning when, after weighing in and finding out I'd lost 2 more kilos, hunger starting to poke at my stomach, and being downtown without access to cook my own gluten-free, dairy-free meal, I lost it.  My friend J took me to a coffee shop to try and get some breakfast in me, and upon reading the menu and realizing that there was nothing there for me to eat, I broke into tears.  Not loud ones, just big ones.  Racing each other down my face.Graciously, J hauled me out of the shop and we went to a grocery store, where I bought 2 slices of turkey for $5 (get OUT of here!), a plum, carrot juice, and a can of beans. We sat in McDonald's and proceeded to eat my very strange breakfast with people watching me, blatantly staring at the obvious bag lady who couldn't even afford McDonald's and had to eat out of a can instead.

That was the only negative part of the trip.  Results said mostly what I thought they would, with the little twist that I am low in cholesterol.  Bummer that I can't go to Burger King and remedy that with a weekly splurge of burger, fries and a chocolate topped vanilla cone.  Guess I'm deep frying everything at home, and gravy on all my red meat!  I also found out that I am halfway between average bone density and osteoporosis (osteoporetic??) and so calcium, vitamin D and lots of intentional bone-building exercises are in my future.  My big news, very exciting, is that two weeks after the Celiac diagnosis (yet completely unrelated),  I was told I had polyps in my body and would have to have them removed.  I told God that I don't have the faith to ask Him to take away the Celiac just yet (although if others want to stand in that gap, I'm willing!) but would He mind getting rid of the polyps, please?  I wasn't really ready to take that on.  I believe He honoured that prayer and even if they "disappeared on their own," I still give the glory to Him.

Lots of good things happened while in Singapore, and I enjoyed my time away.  My friend J had to leave Saturday morning while I stayed on to talk results with the doctor on Monday, and so I had 2 more nights on my own.  During those days I had some great visits with a few different ladies I hadn't known before, and was very thankful that they were part of my weekend.  On the day I was to return home, I donned my back pack, slipped on my Naots (Birkenstock-like sandals) and headed to Orchard road for my results.  After talking to the doctor I had a few hours to kill, and so I had a snack on a bench for about 30 minutes, just watching people walk by.  In that time, not ONCE did I see any other person dressed even remotely like me.  Definitely no ladies wearing backpacks, that's for sure, and the only pair of Birkenstocks I saw had diamonds glued to them, I'm sure of it!  Funny, because if I was in British Columbia, Canada, no one would look twice at the Granola sitting on the bench.

Now I'm home again, and it's like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.  I have those things I thought I might (decreasing bone density, need to eat more protein/carbs/fat, more vitamins, specific exercises), yet it's the knowing, having things confirmed by a medical doctor that makes it seem like it's not such a big deal, that I can do this.  So, 1/4 of the way into 2011, and I'm feeling like a Canadian spring is happening in my life.   The snow is melting and little shoots of new life are coming up out of the hard ground.  I'll be tilling that ground for a while, probably adding some 'manure of life' now and then, but the results to come are worth it.

Thanks for reading.

Purple Poppy Seed Cake

Citrus is one of my favourite kitchen smells and so I was thrilled when I was able to recreate an old lemon loaf favourite, given to me years ago by my old friend Chris P.  I altered my old recipe, added ideas from recipes on line, and ended up with a very moist, uniquely purple, Lemon Poppy Seed cake.  Although it may seem odd to eat purple cake, the poppy seeds and lemon bits look rather pretty floating together.  One thing that I would change from what I originally did, and that is to NOT add any glaze.  The purple sweet potato flour seems to retain a lot of moisture and adding a sugar-lemon mix to the top just made the cake too gooey.  I may try this recipe again with banana flour instead of purple flour and see if the glaze works better.  My kitchen is pretty much like a laboratory right now, and for every success (or semi-success) 2 or 3 things end up in the garbage.  This cake actually smelled good while baking...not a common thing in this house right now.  I think the difference is that I made a rice flour mix altering a flour recipe from http://glutenfreegirl.com/recipes/ rather than using a store-bought mixture*.

Gluten-Free/Dairy Free Lemon Poppy Seed Cake
1/2 cup hazelnut or almond milk
6 tbsp vegetable oil
1 cup white sugar
2 medium eggs

1 1/2 cups flour mix*
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp xanthan gum or guar gum
1/4 tsp salt

2 1/2 tbsp poppy seeds
zest of 1 x-large lemon
juice of 1 lemon (fresh)

Turn oven on to 350 degrees (or no. 4 mark on gas dial).  Mix first 4 ingredients well with electric mixer.  Sift flour mix*, baking powder, gum, and salt together 3 times to 'fluff' dry ingredients.  Add to liquid mixture, then add poppy seeds and lemon zest/juice and stir all with wooden spoon until dry is just mixed into wet.
Pour into a greased & floured 10" round cake pan, bake 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean (do not undercook or again, it goes gooey). 
Cool then glaze (optional).

Glaze
1/3 cup white sugar
juice from one lemon
Mix together with a spoon until sugar dissolves.

*Rice flour mix:  1 cup brown rice flour, 1 cup white rice flour, 2/3 cup purple sweet potato flour (I substituted for potato starch) and 1/3 cup tapioca starch.

Enjoy!

Thanks for reading

Doctor Intervention

After 3 months of living with Celiac Disease, I have finally found a doctor who is willing to take me on.  Originally I had found one here in Indonesia, about 30 minutes away(or 2 hours, depending on traffic), and I was excited because not only was he recommended by someone I feel is trustworthy, but he can also read German.  All of my diagnosis were made in Germany and are therefore ALL written in German, including the bills.  Apparently, however, Sprue and I have scared him off, because after one visit and some emails back and forth, he has not responded further to any correspondance I send.  Hmmm. 

No worries, though.  I have connected, through a good friend, with a doctor in Singapore, and she seems more than willing to discuss this disease with me, and hopefully guide me in the right direction.  I admit I get discouraged by people who tell me that someone they know was feeling better within a few months of their diagnosis.  Some blogs I read make it sound like it was an overnight turnaround for them.  That's not the way it is for me and I'm curious to find out why.

I find out today, hopefully, when I am to go.  My hope is that it'll be within the week, and that I'll find out even more about how to live with Celiac-Sprue.  What I know so far is that I eat with extreme caution, I eat mostly at home, I stay away from all dairy when I feel at all poor (although I've been able to eat chocolate on a good day lately), if I exercise hard one day I need to expect to be worn out the next, and that I need to give myself a break and realize that I will be frustrated and even grumpy now and then.  That's what bugs me the most...I feel borderline irritated all the time and I'm not sure how to change that, except to continue to keep my mind focused on God's word and promises rather than my own imagination.

Today is a hot day, I've already had an opportunity to practice a little tennis with a friend, and now it's time to head to Jakarta to get my very-dead Mac notebook fixed.  I'm also on my way to get my eyes checked, because my experience here has, again, been very frustrating and I just want to have glasses that I can see out of.  Sometimes I think that if there's one thing that will cause me to head home, it's the medical system here, because it seems that with everything that goes on here, that's what irritates me to the core.

Thanks for reading.

4 hours later:  what may be even more frustrating than the medical system is living in a society where one (namely, me) has to depend on another person (namely, our driver) to tote me around Jakarta anytime i want to go somewhere outside of our village.  Some might think it a luxury, and I admit, not having to park is truly a luxury, but now my driver is sick, I stayed at home and will have to find another convenient day to head to my appointments (why a driver?  There are many stories that scare a foreign women into not driving alone in the city of Jakarta...).  Ultimately, why am I complaining??  I ended up resting 'for a moment' and slept 1 1/2 hours of my morning away.  I think Haris being sick was actually a blessing in disguise as my body is trying to tell me something.  I think I need to listen...

Bean Salad with Quinoa

I've never been a breakfast person, and it's interesting to watch my daughter become the splitting food-image of her mom as she chooses left-over spaghetti or fried leftover potatoes and a hamburger patty for breakfast.  Now that oatmeal, most cereals, french toast, and waffles (too much work to clean out the waffle iron after wheat pancakes) are not an option, I'm eating dinner for breakfast more often.  The one food combination that really seems to hit home and get me through the first few hours of my day is quinoa alongside bean salad.  I have to admit, when I was a little girl my mom would make bean salad for buffet meals and I was always so grossed out by the brown bits swimming in onion rounds.  I mean, who would eat beans voluntarily, and especially with ONIONS?  What always surprised me is that she'd bring an empty bowl home.  Adults.

Well, now that I've grown up, I'd like to share my own colourful, energy-giving recipe.  One friend gave me her version of this recipe (calls it a dip, and scoops it up with tortilla chips) and said that her brother makes it ahead of time and takes it, drained of oil and vinegar, out on camping/climbing trips.  Apparently his keeps for days.  All bean & veggie measurements are approximate, and if you like one item more than the other, definitely increase it.

Bean Salad (can use canned beans or fresh-then-boiled beans)

ingredients:
1 cup fresh, chopped (1 inch) green beans
1 can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 can garbanzo beans (chick peas), drained and rinsed
1 can sweet corn kernels, drained
1 small red onion, thinly sliced (I chop the slices in half, too)
1 medium red bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 fat handful of thickly diced cilantro leaves--you'll want to season to your personal taste with this one

Steam green beans until almost cooked (they'll continue to soften in the liquid), remove from heat, let cool slightly.  Add the rest of the beans and veggies.

marinade:
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup white vinegar (OR...3/4 cups apple cider vinegar if you want a sweeter salad)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tbsp water

Mix all ingredients in a small saucepan, bringing to boil until sugar and salt have dissolved.  Cool for a few minutes and then pour over mixed beans and veggies.  Let it sit for a few hours, or even better, overnight.  The same friend suggested draining off the liquid after 3 hours.  I tried it and agree that it tastes just as good after being soaked for at least 3 hours, without the extra moisture.

Prepare your quinoa like it says on the bag/box, but stir in a bit of gluten-free (dairy free) chicken stock powder to the water before adding to the grain.

The bean salad lasts for days, but only prepare enough quinoa for 2 days as it tends to 'grow' or sprout over time, and it dries out after the second day.  I eat the salad and quinoa side by side, but others I've served it to have mixed it all up together.

Thanks for reading.

Absolutely...Magnificent!

Of all the weeks since this new year has started, this last one has been the worst.  I'm not sure why, but now I'm definitely cutting out all dairy, including butter, to see if that helps.  I've already cut out ice cream, cheese, whipped cream, sour cream (all the fun ones), etc but kept butter and dark chocolate as "food improvers."  Those are out of the picture now too, and I'm hoping that's only for a while.

Last Saturday my husband came home from the gym and had done something to put his back out.  With him having had back surgeries in 2003, we both realize how important it is to lay low with back pain.  We ended up just hanging out at home all weekend, which was a bit of a bummer for me because I'd been in the house a lot the week prior, editing and feeling a bit 'off.'  We'd planned on driving around the area and checking out some stores together that he rarely gets to see...more my thrill than his.  The 'off' feeling grew, and came to a head on Tuesday night.  My helper had tried a new fish dish, fried dorry pieces glazed with a sweet mayonnaise sauce, and i don't know if it was the food or the ingredients, but I ended up spending time with my head in a bucket later that evening.  Not intending to gross anyone out, I'll spare details.  I would like to share that I had gone with Tris earlier to get a massage (what good wife wouldn't go and get a $9 1 1/2 hour massage in support of her husband??)  and as usual I left the establishment showered but with oil-slicked hair (they love to use the oil!!).

I know that I looked bad, because Wednesday morning when our driver arrived, I slipped on appropriate clothes (modesty is the rule here, always) and headed out to tell him what I needed him to do that day.  The look on his face was priceless, because as I stepped outside his head popped up and his eyes got so wide that I could barely see his forehead.  "You sick, Mrs????"

What is really funny with this whole scenario is that I had slipped on a new t-shirt for bed on Tuesday night, one that I had bought as '$3 shopping therapy.'  After my bout with the bucket and my greasy massage, I looked absolutely...Absolutely.  I looked in the bathroom mirror at my glassy eyes, grey pallor, greasy hair stuck everywhere, and just below my head, on my t-shirt, read:  "gor.geous (gor'-jes) adj. 1. The quality of being Brilliant, MAGNIFICENT 2. Attractive, Beautiful, Dazzling, Lovely. 3. all of the above, all the time, everyday.

Needless to say, I headed immediately to bed for some beauty rest!

Thanks for reading.

Commercial blast from the past

You're my hero, Pepto Bismol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0J9I1Vgt5c

Actually, I've mostly phased out Pepto Bismol, but even at 15 and 13 my kids still sing this song and so for them, I posted this commercial.  I don't know if charcoal pills are common outside of Indonesia, but they do wonders on bad days here.  Very inexpensive, too!

(For the record, charcoal pills also work big miracles on curious little Corgies who sample slug bait for supper).

Thanks for reading.

Today is not a good day...until now

Dear Lord, why did you make food smell so good?  Today is not a good day.  I hate being hungry.  Today is a day where I eat my "special food" and watch my family, no, SMELL my family eat their meals.  Leftover lasagna (wheat noodles, cheese and milk sauce), oatmeal with milk and brown sugar, fresh wheat bread, and tonight, order-in pizza.  In my 'past life,' I didn't even like the order-in pizza, but tonight, in my mind, I did. It's not something I'm proud of, feeling sorry for myself, but it's easy to fall into when I'm hungry and haven't left the house all day.

As I talk to you now Lord, I hear the Islamic call to prayer outside.  Not only does it remind me, as it often does, that as millions of Muslims head to prayer, You are waiting for me to take time to talk to You.  It also reminds me that so many of those millions who are praying to their god of Islam, do so with hungry stomachs.  As with me, theirs is not a choice.  I did not choose to have a special diet, but I have choices within that diet.  Many have no choice but to eat what is available to them, and that can go as far as having to eat what someone else has thrown away.  In that light, forgive me Lord for not taking care of myself, for not being one step ahead and having food prepared for when I do get hungry--and you know that when I get hungry making food decisions is a frustrating event--and mostly, for feeling sorry for myself that I have to plan my days a little more than the regular person, needing to organize my meals around nutritious grains, veggies, and meat.  Help me to not be so selfish in a land where the food stored in my home alone could feed a family of 4 for probably 3 weeks.

Thank you Lord that this disease was diagnosed while I live here in Indonesia.  I hope that as I struggle, as I know I will, I'll be able to slowly change my perspective from 'I hate baking with mixed flours!' to 'thank you for providing me with variety"...

Thank you for life, for what You have in store for me, and thank you for being patient with me.

Amen.

Falling off the wagon hurts!

Almost two months now and I've been feeling pretty good.  Until Tuesday.  Having avoided gluten in all foods, mostly avoiding dairy, I think I was getting a little cocky with how good I've been feeling.  I've been able to exercise quite regularly, and last week I played sports for over an hour without feeling like a wet noodle when finished.  That's something I haven't been able to do for a long time!

I spent last Tuesday editing a large project, and sat in one spot for long periods of time.  Other than the obvious, what else does one do while working??  Eat, of course.  I worked through the typical list:  fruit, chips, gluten-free cookies, juice, more cookies, water, nuts and dried fruit.  Boring...I needed chocolate.  Not the permitted 70% almost dairy-free cacao bar, but something a little more...seductive.  After a long, computer-glazed stare into the fridge, a chocolate bar jumped out at me.  I've always told my 15 year old son that food DOESN'T do that when you stand with the fridge door open, but I take that back.  This Skor bar swacked me in the face on its way out.  There's a bruise above my eyebrow to prove it.

I ate the Skor bar.  I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would, but that's probably because I scarfed it down like, say, a teenage boy--in 3 bites.  Seriously.  Usually I let it melt a little on my tongue but it had been so long!

Dumb idea.

As used to happen, the pain started just before dinner, and like I used to hope, I ate food thinking maybe it would settle the chaos.  Didn't happen.  I made another big mistake: I left the comfort of my home and headed to the movies.

There's no need to describe the pain, but I do need to admit that I realize I was really, really dumb.

I have a good friend who is a nurse, and she warned me from the beginning that it was going to be hard to go cold-turkey.  In response to her advice, I began filling my cupboards with any and all sorts of gluten-free/dairy-free goodies.  Really, I've purchased everything in Jakarta that I could find labeled "gluten-free."  Some of it's good, some of it led me on the evil path to the Skor chocolate bar.

Lesson learned:  I might need chocolate, but I need to be healthy more.  Life is too short to compromise an evening with my husband and some friends because of a craving.  I've got to keep reminding myself that it's all about the big picture, not about the here and now.

What happens now?

So what happens now?  Almost 2 years of misdiagnosis in Indonesia, final diagnosis 6 weeks ago in Germany, tons of celiac information on the internet, no actual medical intervention available here...yet.  I have one nutritionist friend I can call on and who has helped me incredibly already, and I have an Indonesian internal specialist who is looking at my results.  I'm not sure what he'll be able to do because I'm pretty sure that he's not really familiar with this disease.  That was confirmed to me when he told me "Madam, you have a very rare disease."  I live in the land of white rice, and so yes, it is very rare here.  When you mention Celiac disease to any ex-pat here, their typical response is "my brother/sister/aunt/mother-in-law has the same.  They've learned to live with it just fine."

I have questions for those who are living with it just fine.  How did they get there?  When did they start feeling like they were improving?  One friend told me that her brother took one month to heal.  I'm over that and then some.   So many questions and although some are being answered with time, I am still seeking some professional medical intervention.  I have to admit that I am being stretched incredibly in the kitchen.  I love to cook and especially to bake, and so have had some interesting experiences with both.  I've found a variety of flours and am still looking for some others.  Fortunately, I have access to some that I think few people do...when I google purple sweet potato flour and banana flour, very little comes up.  I'll have to discover some really excellent ways to use them and then post.

I keep having to remind myself that I am not on a simple cleansing diet that will end in two weeks.  This is for life, and it's for MY life.  It'll be interesting to see what turns life will hand me on this most excellent adventure.

Thanks for reading